One of the most important things we can do as Christ followers is to surround ourselves with wise counsel. It sets us up for success having a group of followers around us, who are all walking in God's ways. Older and younger people, who have had life experience and can guide us wisely. Some of us have been blessed for years to have grown in friendship with others, but some are just getting started. So how do you know who is wise counsel? Who should we listen to in these days of turmoil when so many voices are speaking?
First, ask these questions. Does this person know me? And I mean know, as in have they become priveledge to intimate knowledge that others wouldn't be trust with? Are they trust worthy? And do they love me and have my best interest in mind?
You need to be blunt with yourself when you are answering these questions. If someone doesn't make the cut of a trusted person, it doesn't mean you have to cut them out of your life or can't be friends with them. It simply means that you can't share every intimate detail with them. And truthfully, you can't share every detail with anyone. No one, except for the Lord, is fully trustworthy and capable of holding everything in your life. For you to depend so greatly on one person with every painful detail is co-dependent. We only want co-depedency with the Lord.
In my own mind, I will put people into categories. Givers, Takers, and give and takers.
Givers are the people who will gladly give whenever they have the ability to do so, but this often is not something you asked for. For example, you might have a co-worker who is a giver. You have 5 more tasks on your to-do list for the day and take off to lunch, expecting to complete those when you get back. Once you arrive at work, you realize your giver friend has completed your task list for you. Immediately you feel like this person is too kind and so sweet and generous. You spout of your "you didn't have to do that". Sincerely appreciating what they've done. The problem with givers is that there is always a score. So while they did that nice thing for you that you didn't ask them to, they will later come back asking you to complete something for them and reminding you of the good thing they've already done for you. It's a manipulative relationship and while these people do usually have very good intentions, they often don't realize how cruel it can be to have to owe someone something, especially having recieved something you didn't want or ask for. God is a stark contrast to this, in that He gives, expecting nothing in return, but hoping that our hearts will be turned towards Him in love. There is no need, desire, or ability to repay, which means it is a free gift. Not so with givers.
Takers are a little bit more apparent in my mind. They are the people that you haven't spoken to in 6 months and suddenly they text you out of the blue, saying that we should get together. You remember how much fun you have with this person and arrange a visit. As soon as you sit down to chat though, you remember exactly why it's been 6 months since you last saw one another. This person immediately begins by sharing all of the details of how difficult the last 6 months have been. Their lives were already pretty challenging and somehow, they've managed to get worse. You don't honestly know sometimes how this person manages to live alone, except that the conversation always seems to end with them saying thaty they just need a couple hundred to pay the rent this month and that should get them back on track. Plainly, they are the people who always have needs and always find that asking everyone who walks into their path to be their solution. God, again in contrast, has no needs of us. He never asks for a thing. His desire is for us to desire to give our praise and worship, but He doesn't need anything from us. We can trust Him.
Givers and takers are the core friends, the ones that you keep close. They are the ones that you should call when you are having a big decision moment or a terrible loss moment. They will be there for you when things get tough or even when they don't. They are the ones who celebrate lifes highs and stick with you in lifes lows. And the ones who you also do those things for. This relationship is a give and take. They can call you in their bad times and celebrate with you in their good times too.
The people who answer that first question, Do they know me? Are they trustworthy? Do they have my best interest in mind? Those are the givers and takers. If someone is giving you counsel, you have to ask these questions. If the answer is yes, this person knows me, is trustworthy, and has my best interest in mind, then you can go on to question two. If the answer to question one is no though, don't take counsel from them.
Now question two is important, because while you might have a give and take, trustworthy relationship with this person, it is important to know if this person has your best interest or their best interest in mind. So question two is does this person have an agenda? For example, I might need advice on if I should take on a loan or not. Asking this question to someone that I owe money to is probably going to solicit an agenda laiden answer. It doesn't mean this person is not typically a trustworthy friend, but in this instance, they do have a personal agenda which will color their counsel and make it unwise. I might need advice about a person I am interested in dating and if my trusted friend just broke up with someone, they might answer my questions through the lens of their hurts and not give me wise counsel, because of their personal agenda. So question two is important. If this person has an agenda, they are not wise counsel for this specific issue. If this person does not have a specific agenda and they already passed question one, then they are wise counsel. You can listen to them.
I always want to add a third question that we, as followers of Christ, should add. What does God say about this advice that I've now recieved? We want to take the wise counsel we've now gotten and put it against the Word of God to confirm that it is truth. If this answer passes through God's Word and is in agreement with it, then it truly is wise counsel. If it does not though, you need to start the process over with new counselors.
If you still have doubts though, after going through this whole process, you can ask question four. That is, God would you please give me a confirmation that this is Your will. Lay out a fleece. He will be faithful to answer. Again, if you are still unsure and do not feel peace over the decision, you can start over again. God is happy to walk through this process as many times as you need to build up your faith. He is so patient and loving and kind and has so much grace for His children.
These days that we live in, we must be sure to seek God's will. Don't just make up your own mind to do something, but confirm it through God's word and through wise counsel.
Proverbs 12:15
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
but a wise man listens to advice.
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