Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
I thought this would be a fun little tutorial for how to pick a good and Godly man, since us Christian ladies can find ourselves swimming with sharks whenever we even put a toe into the dating pool.
I know it's so cliche to say, but the first thing we need to know in order to pick a husband is who we are. I'm not just talking our hobbies and interests, likes and dislikes. I'm also not just talking our traumas and wounds, attachment styles and personality types. All of those things are things that the world says are good and they are good, but they are not the most important thing we need to know about ourselves.
Foundationally, we need to know what God says about us, as women and as wives. The first time God ever mentions woman in the Bible, he says he will create for Adam a helper. The word in Hebrew is Ezer which means helper, but it actually means something much stronger then that. It is a word God uses for himself when he describes how he will help Israel. This means that it isn't a submissive word. God is not submissive to Israel. It's a strong word. It means helper, aid, and strength. I like to think of this as a multiplier. Whatever the people of Israel would give over to God, God would help by multiplying. If they gave him complaints, he multiplied troubles. If they gave in tithe and offering, he multiplied it so greatly that Moses literally had to ask the children of Israel to stop giving, because they had enough. This is how I see marriage to work. That God said it wasn't good for Adam to be alone, because Adam was not only lonely, but also doing the work alone. He made a suitable helper to aid and multiply the work that Adam was purposed to do.
Apply this to our own lives. Christian lady, you are created to be someone's helper. Whatever you aid him in will heal. Whatever you strengthen him in will become strong. Whatever you help him in will grow and multiply.
So now that we know our purpose, to strengthen, aid, and help, what kind of man should we be looking for? The question you need to ask whenver you meet a mister is, "what purpose has God placed on this mans life and is this man pursuing that purpose?" If the answer is no, this is not your man. But if this man is pursuing God's purpose for his life and he can not only tell you that purpose, but show you the Spiritual fruit of his actions in his life, this a Godly man and could be your man. You can multiply that purpose.
If you've seen my blog posts, you've read about my ex-husband. Narcissistic, self centered, pouring evil into the world, pursuing evil and not good. This man is a zero. Maybe even a negative number honestly. I could be infinitely Godly, purpose driven, and focused on my relationship with God, but if at best, he is a zero and I am infinitely pursuing God, zero times infinity is still zero.
I have had the opportunity to be friends for a long time with this man who is in a unique position to preach the gospel to a very estranged population that desperately needs Jesus. I was hopeful when he entered this culture, thinking that this would be the launching point for his purpose in God. And while God has called this man to minister, the man has instead fit himself into the culture and become lukewarm. He is no longer walking in Kingdom purpose, so I could not aid, strengthen, or help him. My involvement would be aiding (enabling bad behavior), strengthening (emboldening bad behavior), and helping (excusing bad behavior). You see how a helper is a multiplier. We don't bring our own purposes to the table, but like salt, we enhance what is already there. Even if this man is a one, a lukewarm Christian, I will be very alone in this kind of relationship, doing all the work and essentially feeling like I am babysitting a man child. One times whatever I put in will always equal whatever I put in. It enables, emboldens, and excuses bad behaviors.
If you want a kingdom marriage with common goals, find a man who has a kingdom purpose and is already walking in it, but needs a helper for aid, strength, and help. Even if the man is only a two for God's kingdom. One, He loves Jesus and two, he is pursuing God's purposes in his life. His two times your two will mean your efforts are doubled. And this is also the idea of compound interest. The more double you become together, the greater your return grows, the greater you both grow. Then you have found your man.
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