These follow some of my notes for Lysa Terkuersts “Uninvited.”
“I can’t expect any other person to be my soul oxygen.” “No person is equipped to be the constant lifeline to another.” “Unrealistic neediness is actually greediness in disguise…’My needs and desires deserve to tap into or possibly even deplete yours.'”
Psalm 23:1 “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.”
Ephesians 3:14-19 “For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”
Thank you God for pouring out this conviction and revelation to me. I have been so needy. I told Chris for years, even up until he left, that I recognized that he was an idol for me. I expected him to pour into me and fill all my needs. Eventually he became depleted. Truthfully, a marriage can not work like that! When one persons desires and needs drain the other and the other persons desires and needs drain right back. All you end up doing is sucking each other dry. No. God is and always has been the waterfall pouring out His love and we just have to stop and dwell under it to be filled. And when we are filled, it will naturally spill out of us and into those around us. I don’t ever need Chris or anyone else to pour into me when God is already pouring! And for anyone around me, the overflow just becomes a blessing which in turn blesses me. “Do I walk into situations prepared with the fullness of God in me, free to look for ways to bless others?”
Telling my flesh no? Oh Lord, I struggle! “The more full of the flesh we are, the more we grab at anyone and anything to fill that ache for love and acceptance.”
I get it God. Chris was empty for me. He couldn’t continue to try to fill my needs. And I was empty for him. I was tired of feeling like I poured all of me out for him. I don’t want to be full of him anymore. I want to be full of you. “If we grasp the full love of Christ, we won’t grab at other things to fill us.” “All these things we’re tempted to grab at? They won’t fill us the way we think they will. In the end, they only make us feel emptier and more rejected.” “If we live rooted and established in His love, we don’t just have knowledge of His love in our minds, but it becomes a reality that anchors us. Though winds of hurt and rejection blow, they cannot uproot us and rip us apart.” “The more we fully invite God in, the less we feel Uninvited by others.”
“With God there is fullness. There is no lack. Nothing can be added or subtracted with human acceptance or rejection. With the fullness of God, we are free to let humans be humans.” This really spoke to me and I know God is testing me in this right now. To see how full I really am. And I know I am full, because this week has been full of challenges and struggles. Chris trying so hard to push against me. I had a moment of God calling me to do something hard out of obedience this week. I felt God challenge me to invite Chris home regardless of his response. I was afraid. Either he accepts and comes home and hasn’t changed at all, or he doesn’t accept and I feel rejected all over again. Either way this doesn’t look good, but then God gave me this word that he gives me often. “Regardless”. Regardless of his response, trust me and be faithful. Do this. Yes Lord. I will. I did it! I told him I feel the Lord calling me to invite him back home. And his response wasn’t amazing, but it doesn’t matter. His response was “I can’t”. “That’s okay!” I replied, “It’s an open invitation whenever you are ready!” And his legitimate response was “Thank you.” I was a little sad hanging up on that conversation. But it doesn’t matter! What matters is what I did! Not the outcome of it. I was obedient. God is going to bless that! God is going to use this and I am moving on, knowing that I am still fully loved. Today too, Chris and I talked and he said he was going out. I said “with your boys?” And he said “yes….and with girls too.” I laughed and said “well that’s your business isn’t it!” And I actually meant it! I mean I would love for him to NOT go with those women. I would love for him to just come home and spend time with me and his kids, but what he does doesn’t change the fact that God loves me and I am full of his love!
Psalm 118:6 “The Lord is my helper, so I have no fear. What can mere people do to me?”
I know that God is fighting my battles for me and I don’t have to be in control of this. God is in control! “The peace of our souls does not rise and fall with unpredictable people or situations…People do affect us. But the peace of our souls is tethered to all that God is. And though we can’t predict His specific plans, the fact that God will work everything together for good is a completely predictable promise.” “How tragic that when we chase something in this world, we’re actually running away from the stable trust and secure life our souls long for the most.” Chris is unable to keep me full. I shouldn’t have expected him to be able to. He never can, because that is Gods job! I can never keep him full either, because that is Gods job. He tried me, his kids, he’s trying other women, new jobs, new things, partying, friends. It makes me sad for him, because I found the source of fullness and joy. And he’s wasting time still looking. God please keep leading your son to the source of fullness and joy. Lead him to you Lord. “Gods love and goodness are something we can absolutely count on to be there with us…to follow us.”
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